Getting Over Fear and On with Your Life! – by Chris Widener


Hey Everybody! 

I have worked with thousands of people through the years and written for millions of others, many who have written to me for advice and the like. One of the things that I have found to be common in so many people is fear. Fear is something that cripples people and keeps them from pursuing and reaching their dreams. This does not have to be so! I truly believe that a person does not have to have fear in their life. I can honestly say that I do not have any fear in my life. Now, I am not perfect by any means but fear is not something I have because I have dealt with it.

Getting Over Fear and On with Your Life! 

The main reason I do not have fear is because I have come to grips with the concepts surrounding fear. I have understood fear, primarily from two angles. The first angle is psychologically and the second angle is theologically. You see, I think that if we address the issues of life and the fears we experience from both a good understanding of psychology and theology, then I believe we can be free from fear. 

 

Psychology is the study of the mind and that is where most of our fears take place. Theology is the understanding of God and the world we live in as it relates to God and what takes place in this world. I know from personal experience, that as we settle just a few basic issues, we can be free from fear. A few weeks ago I spoke to a group on fear and here are a few of the insights I gave them on how they can get over their fears and get on with their lives. Look and see how each one of these principles fits either psychology or theology. 

 

Disciplining your thoughts. Fear is an action of the mind. Fear is a use, or better said, misuse, of the imagination. In reality, when you fear something, you are simply choosing to imagine a future happening. You are fearful that your spouse will divorce you (future), or that the snake will bite you (future – it hasn’t yet), or that you will lose your job (future – you still have it). So when we fear, we are simply letting our minds imagine a bad future. That is what fear is! Imagining a bad future. So what is the answer? 

 

Well, there are two things you can do. One would be to imagine a good future. The other would be to stop thinking about the future and just take one day at a time. If you are a fearful person, either one of these would be preferable to living in the prison you currently live in. The principle remains true in that we have to discipline our minds and choose not to think about a bad future. We can do that. We can choose our thoughts. It just takes discipline. 

Accepting the realities of life

Much of what people fear are the realities of life. Some may think this cold, but people die, people lose jobs, people choose to do crazy things in relationships etc. There is nothing you can do about that. Period. For example, I know many fearful mothers who won’t let their children play in the front yard because they are afraid the kids will get kidnapped. Now, what should they do? Do everything they can to make it safe and then let their kids play in the front yard! Some people are afraid they will go bankrupt or broke and worry endlessly about it. What should they do? Work hard, save, invest and live life. Could someone get kidnapped? Yes. Could you go bankrupt? Yes. These things happen and all you can do is work to make your life what it can be and accept that sometimes things happen, even tragic things. If they happen, you experience the pain and emotion then – there is no sense forcing yourself to experience it before it happens – IF it happens! This is a mental adjustment that we make that enables us to get over fear. 

Give yourself good information

Much of what we fear is irrational and not based on good information. For example, someone afraid of snakes will scream when they see a gardener snake, even though the reality is that there is absolutely nothing that snake can do to them! Take the time to educate yourself about whatever it is you fear and see if that doesn’t help you gain the mental edge you need. 

Taking control only of those things you can control

There are things you can control and things you can’t. Much of what we fear is out of our hands and we can’t control it. You can’t control if your spouse leaves you. You can control how you treat your spouse. You can’t control a downturn in the economy. You can control whether you save for a rainy day or not. You can’t control whether or not you will get a fatal disease. You can control whether you eat right and exercise. You can’t control how your kids will turn out. You can control how you raise them, what kind of example you set, and what you teach them. You can’t control how others will treat you. You can control how you will treat others. Control what you can control, and let go of the rest. 

Trusting that God is in control, even when it doesn’t seem like it

Here is where theology comes in. There is an old theological term called “sovereignty,” that basically means, “God is in control of the universe.” I believe that. Basic to my understanding of God is that God is in control of the universe (God better be, because I’m certainly not – and wouldn’t want to be!). Now there is a fundamental difference between believing that God is in control and trusting that God is at the helm. There is a difference between believing that ultimately God is calling the shots and actually liking the shots that God calls. I think one of the overriding principles of life that we can embrace that will help us overcome fear is that we can relinquish control and trust that someone greater than us is fully aware of what is happening on this earth and in our lives. I for one leave a lot of my fears on this theological hook. 

These are some basic points that I use to shape my heart and mind so that I don’t have to spend my life in fear. There are a few others as well, I am sure, and many you probably use yourself, but for now, this should be enough to chew on. Getting over fear is an issue of the mind and the spirit and, believe me, the battle over fear can be won!

Chris Widener 

Advertisements

All For Your Sake


All For Your Sake

My heart burns like a candle
All night for your sake
And in the morning of your smile
It lights up for your sake

My heart longs and yearns
So deeply for your sake
And then it just shatters
Like crystal for your sake

My heart hopes and wishes
So truly for your sake
And when you thrust it away
It weeps for your sake

©Copyright 2009 Rajesh Hingoranee

Image

Personal Musings – Page 4


Looking back at the early days of their friendship…

During 1995-96, Nick lived and worked New York.  Ann had moved to California during January 1996 right after her marriage with Rob.  On her first day in town, Rob had dropped her off at Sam’s place, so she would not be alone at home while he was at work.  Nick remembers having experienced an unexplained feeling, even before he had met her in person!  His heart had gone out to her, as he knew Sam’s home was always in a shambles, and that Ann would surely have been happier staying alone at home.  Although he could not for the life of him understand why he had felt so much for her when he had not even met her, Nick knew at the time that she would eventually have a significant influence on his thoughts and feelings.

Nick met Ann for the first time during the spring of 1996 when he was in California on vacation.  Having already harbored strange feelings for her, Nick always remembered the first words Ann had said to him, “I have heard so much about you, Nick”.  Later that year, in summer, when Nick was in California again on a house-hunting trip, as he had landed a job there, he remembers having had a fabulous time at her place.  He could sens a great friendship in the making, and looked forward to that.  Although they were practically strangers at the time, Nick felt she had already started to hold a special place in his heart.  But were there other feelings – feelings that Nick never imagined having – that were making their presence felt?

From 1996 until mid 2000, there was little communication between Nick and Ann, although they kept in touch via phone calls and occasional visits.  On one such visit, Nick remembers when Rob’s sister commented negatively on his stubble, Ann was quick to point out that his stubble suited him and that he looked very nice.  Nick did not know how to thank her for her compliment so he just shook her hand in appreciation, noticing a flood of emotions, but speaking not a word.  That was the first time he had ever shaken her hand and that gesture became a tradition that continued over the years of their friendship.

…to be continued.

Image

The World Is Yours


The World Is Yours

The light of the moon is yours
The brightness of the sun is yours
The twinkle of the stars is yours

The grace of the clouds is yours
The coolness of the breeze is yours
The song of the birds is yours

The scent of the flowers is yours
The beauty of the roses is yours
The tenderness of the petals is yours

My heart is yours
My soul is yours
My world is yours

Why can’t you be mine?Image

©Copyright 2009 Rajesh Hingoranee

Love is…


In the coldest of winters,
You bring the warmest of feelings;

In the darkest of nights,
You bring the brightest of lights.

In the deepest of agony,
You bring the highest of elation;

In the worst of sorrow,
You bring the best of joy.

Your presence in this world
Makes it seem so heavenly;

Your fragrance in this world
Makes the roses green with envy.

©Copyright 2009 Rajesh Hingoranee

Personal Musings – Page 3


So, on that fateful winter evening in February, 2001, in an attempt to ‘come clean’, Nick ventured to send a request to Ann to afford him an hour or so of her time to ‘hear him out’, and to find out what it was that had changed her attitude so much. It was not meant to be an appeal for forgiveness, nor was it meant to be a justification of his actions. He merely wanted to reiterate his need for her friendship, his assurance of her trust.

Just the day prior, Nick and Ann had had a heart to heart discussion about the emotionally charged note he had sent her not too long prior to that. That note was proof of the depth of emotion he had vested in his association with her. His words crystallized his disgruntlement about the way the events had begun to unfold. It was an attestation of the fact that he had truly wanted to get out of the hold she seemed to have had on him, and yet not lose her friendship.

A comment from Ann during that emphatic discussion had raised a red flag, and Nick had become even more intent on coming clean with her. He recalls how she had coolly shrugged off his emotional outbursts. Although justifiable under the circumstances, Nick mused, since one’s actions are largely influenced by our consistent urge to satisfy the demands of the ego, he had felt that his very attempts to strengthen their friendship had sadly and ironically become the cause of a grave misunderstanding that seemed to lead to its eventual demise.

…to be continuedImage

Sometimes…


Sometimes it seems as though
Life is one darned thing after another;

Sometimes I feel as though
Life is moving farther and farther;

Sometimes life seems so unreal
I wonder if people really care;

Sometimes life goes on as though
Its not being fair, its just not fair.

Sometimes I wonder if its possible
To long for someone so far;

Sometimes I wonder if its true
That all’s fair in love and war.

©Copyright 2009 Rajesh Hingoranee